


colour me free

by stylinshaw



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:16:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8727004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylinshaw/pseuds/stylinshaw
Summary: Dan's thoughts on coming out over the years.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Long time no fic! I'm still very much into D&P, just haven't been writing a lot lately. I wrote this a couple weeks ago :)
> 
> title: heaven - troye sivan ft. betty who
> 
> disclaimer - d&p are not mine!
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Seven years before, when they still didn’t know each other all that well, they’d decided to film a video together. Their first collab, so to speak. A video that marked the beginning of an era, one which would quickly become one of their most popular.

**2009**

_“This was the most fun I’ve ever had,” Dan says, shyly. He’s telling the absolute truth- never did he imagine that he could ever be making videos with his favourite YouTuber, of all people. He doesn’t know why it’s happening, but he’s glad his life is taking a turn for the better._

_He isn’t really expecting a response from Phil, in any case. Maybe a slight laugh, or a smile._

_Instead, he gets tackled to the ground. A laugh escapes his lips as the pair tumble towards the floor._

_“I had a pretty great time too,” Phil tells him, his face inches away from his. From this distance, Dan can almost dissociate the yellows, greens and blues of Phil’s eyes. Without thinking, he leans up and presses his lips to the older man’s._

_Phil kisses back gently, hands still twined around Dan’s waist. When they separate, Dan lets out a breathless laugh._

_“I’m going to have to edit that out,” Phil says, as he detaches himself from Dan. For a second, Dan feels hurt. He shakes himself back to reality just as the insecurity begins to well up inside him._

_Of course Phil won’t want to disclose their relationship to his tens of thousands of fans. The two of them have barely been dating a week. Why would he want to tell people so soon?_

_Even as Dan reasons with himself, he can’t help but imagine what it could be like, to let the world that know that Phil was his._

Seven years before, Dan had thought about coming out for the first time. He still thinks about it from time to time, but the time never seems right. But now, their second book is out, and they’ve got some off time. No touring or traveling to do. Just the two of them, in their flat, the way it’s always been.

Dan thinks. There was a time when it wasn’t so easy, for them.

**2012**

_“Phil, could you, uh,” Dan gestures towards the space between them. They’re filming a Super Amazing Project video but Dan doesn’t want to start until there’s a wide enough gap between them._

_“I get it, you want me to move,” Phil says coolly, but his voice betrays the tiniest hint of hurt and sadness as he scoots away. Dan instantly feels like shit._

_“Phil,” he starts. He wants to say a lot of things. He wants to say how he misses the way they used to joke around on camera. He wants to say that he’s sorry for acting like such a dick. He wants to tell Phil to sit closer to him._

_All he says instead, out of the fear of being outed when he isn’t ready, is “Let’s start the video.”_

Nothing lasts forever though, and the same could be said for the negativity surrounding them those few years. Over time, they learn how to relax around each other again, especially when there are cameras involved. They start a gaming channel together, and one day, after a three-hour midnight talk, they decide to start writing a book together as well.

**2014**

_They’re sprawled out on the couch, Phil’s laptop open in front of them. A word document is open on the screen, blank save for one line, written in bold capitals._

**_‘THE AMAZING BOOK IS NOT ON FIRE’_ **

_“I can’t believe we’re going to write a fucking book,” Dan murmurs. Phil nods in agreement, as he wraps his fingers around Dan’s._

_“Are we going to write the book while sticking to our online personas, though?” Phil asks._

_“I guess so,” Dan says slowly. “Why?”_

_“I don’t know,” Phil replies. His fingers begin to tap restlessly against Dan’s knuckles. “I’ve been thinking of a rebrand lately.”_

_“A rebrand?” Dan repeats. “For you?”_

_“For us,” Phil answers. “I can’t be the innocent one forever. You can’t only wear black and be a Tumblr addict forever. We can’t be-” he cuts himself off abruptly, but Dan knows what he wants to say._

_“We can’t be just friends on camera forever,” he finishes Phil’s statement. Phil doesn’t say anything, but his silence is confirmation enough for Dan._

_“I know how you feel,” he says, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “Trust me, I want everyone to know that you’re taken. I wouldn’t mind wearing a little more colour on occasion, either. But now isn’t the time, I don’t think. Maybe-”_

_“-after the release the book?” Phil cuts him off. Dan smiles. He loves how synchronised they can be._

_“Yeah, after the book is out. In the meantime…” he gestures towards the blank word document. Phil huffs out a laugh as they begin to brainstorm, trading ideas back and forth._

They hadn’t really expected for the book to blow up the way it did, though. Then came the idea of a tour, based off the book. Then came _another_ book, based off the tour about their first book. Sure, Dan had definitely had the time of his life, but the idea remains constant at the back of his mind.

They’ve got a bit of a break now, though. _Why not?_ he thinks to himself.

**2016**

_They don’t mention it explicitly. Phil starts swearing a little more on the gaming channel. He’s never going to swear on AmazingPhil, so this is as good as it gets. Dan starts expressing his love for boys publicly. They get more touchy and lovey with each other on camera. They begin appearing in each other’s main channel videos more frequently._

_The fans go into a frenzy. They love it, they love how Dan and Phil are becoming more comfortable with themselves. It’s a huge relief, to see the positive reaction from the fans, because it reassures them that they’re doing the right thing. The fans are happy, and so are they._

_They still don’t make an official statement about anything, though. Not just yet._

On the nineteenth of October, the seven year anniversary of their first meeting, Dan makes dinner for the two of them. Halfway through their pasta, he gets down on one knee.

“Hey, Phil,” he says, fishing through his pockets for the ring box. Phil is engrossed in something on his phone, and hasn’t looked up for a good two minutes.

“Hm?” Phil hums in response. When Dan stays quiet, he glances up.

“Oh my God,” he murmurs. Then, he proceeds to blurt out a loud, resounding “Yes!”

Dan groans in a show of mock annoyance, though his heart is already soaring. “Phil, you spoon,” he says. “You didn’t let me make my romantic speech.” As he says it, Phil gets off his chair and shuffles towards Dan on his knees, a dopey grin painting his features.

“I’m sorry, Bear,” he says, not sounding sorry in the slightest. He presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “I’ll make it up to you by marrying you.”

“I guess we can do that,” Dan replies, unable to hide the happiness in his voice. He removes the silver band from its velvet case and slides it onto Phil’s ring finger before leaning in to kiss him softly. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Phil says quietly.

Their pasta lies forgotten on the table, but they’ve got better things to do.

**2017**

_Dan’s filming a video- surprisingly, on his own. It’s a rarity for Dan or Phil to be in a video by themselves nowadays._

_He’s halfway through reenacting an anecdote when the door opens and Phil walks in. Dan motions to the camera._

_“Oh, crap, sorry,” Phil says, apologetically. It doesn’t stop him from walking over to press a kiss to Dan’s cheek, though. Later, when Dan edits the video, he notices the redness of his cheeks after Phil kissed him. It’s easy to tell how lovestruck he is, just by one glance at the clip._

_“You know,” Phil begins. Dan jumps, startled at the sound of his fiancée’s voice. Phil rolls his eyes fondly before continuing. “You don’t need to edit that bit out.”_

_Dan won’t lie- he sits still in shock for a minute or two. But afterwards, he edits the remainder of the video excitedly, ensuring that Phil’s kiss is left in it._

_The video goes live on danisnotonfire at 9 o’clock in the night, at the same time Phil makes a post explaining their relationship and publishes it to his Tumblr. By nine the next morning, the video has well over a million views and the post has over twenty thousand notes._

_Despite any feelings of fear he may have had, Dan still feels on top of the world. He knows this is a decision he won’t ever regret making._

Seven years before, Dan had pondered about coming out for the first time. Now, as he posts yet another selfie of him kissing Phil on the cheek, he wonders if his eighteen year old self would be happy with how things turned out for him and Phil.

He knows he definitely is.

**Author's Note:**

> comments/kudos are LOVE! :D thank you for reading! (also, let me know if the structure of the fic was too choppy!)
> 
> come talk to me on my [blog](http://altphan.tumblr.com) :)


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